Friday, September 25, 2009

Jennifer's Body

Here's my whole review: Megan Fox closed her mouth. HONEST TO GOD. It may have been for .5 seconds, but she did it.

I mean, okay, that's not my whole review. But seriously. Megan Fox closed her mouth. I know you're shocked.

So okay. I don't know about all these Diablo Cody-isms that all the reviews I've read about online are talking about because I'm the only under-30 female in the entire world that hasn't seen Juno. So whatever. I'm also really into shitty horror movies and this fit my criteria. Man, was it cheesy. And great. And cheesy. And I made myself sick on popcorn.

So, there's Jennifer, who is played by Megan Fox, who is That Girl Everyone Wants To Be Friends With/Loves To Hate/Inexplicably Wants To Fuck Whether You're Male or Female. Or maybe that's just me. I have a girlcrush on Megan Fox now. Fucking thighs. I mean, wait, what?
Anyway, basically the whole movie is lain out so that you get to find out why Amanda Seyfried's character, Anita AKA Needy (that's the WORST NICKNAME EVER and she should cut some bitches over that), is in a mental asylum/women's prison.

But you know what the best part is? The reason WHY Jennifer is a psycho killer demon. No, I'm not going to tell you what that is, because it's seriously the greatest idea in the history of, oh, I don't know, existence. And I'm jealous I didn't think of it. One of my coworkers, when I told her about it, said she just wanted to ask Cody how she even came up with this sort of thing.

Also recommended for: people who love to hate Brandon Flowers. Because that's who Adam Brody is playing. He's the ultra sleazy version of B-Flow fronting a kind-of-terrible band called Low Shoulder. Okay, I'm lying, they're not kind-of-terrible. I liked them. I'm that kind of girl.
So anyway, everything goes to hell when Jennifer decides that she wants to eat Needy's boyfriend Chip. I'm not sure why either of them are with Chip. He flexes in his underwear in a mirror to Panic! At The Disco. Neither girl has what he needs. (Which is a penis. In his anus. I'm just saying.)

Anyway, the following people should see this movie: people who like cheesy horror flicks. People who love/hate B-Flow. People who enjoy ridiculousness. Girls or boys who want to bang Megan Fox.

I'm gonna buy it on DVD when it comes out. - Julieann

Jennifer's Body has quite an awesome beginning. I'm a big fan of Amanda Seyfried and I was so excited to see her in a role different from anything I've ever seen her do before. I don't know how she finds all of these parts that are crazy-different from each other but she is amazing in all of them. If you're not a long time fan, get on it. She's been in Veronica Mars, Big Love, Mamma Mia and now this. There's a little something for everybody

I'm not sure I've ever seen a movie like this. Say what you want about Diablo Cody but her plots are original and her characters are funny. I wasn't bothered by the language either, so I'm also unsure what the criticism was about. I did see Juno and was a bit distracted by all the slang, which didn't seem to be a problem this time. Whether it was there or not, maybe we missed it, or maybe it just fit the tone of the movie. When people said ridiculous things, we laughed. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?

What was the tone anyway? Was it supposed to be comedy? Horror? Adventure? I have no clue but I had a good time. It's one of those movies that we tend to keep seeking out, the ones that are supposed to be scary or dramatic but end up hilarious. It's just a question of why you're at the movies. Do you like to have fun? Do you want to laugh? Do you think that a movie can be both disgusting and witty? Horrifying and hilarious? Jennifer's Body was. Maybe it helps to have someone beside you trading snarky comments of your own. You have to make your own good time!

The only thing I have to complain about is that this movie is horribly misrepresented and that most people who don't read blogs all day long haven't even heard of it. Look, you do not need to give one shit about Megan Fox. You do not need to find her attractive or smart or enjoyable in any way. It's probably better if you don't, because she is utterly disgusting in parts of this movie and it's kind of awesome. The trailer wants you to believe that this movie pits boy-eating monster girl Jennifer against bookish nerd Needy in a battle for Needy's boyfriend. not nearly the beginning of it. To me, it was Needy's story, hands down. The movie begins and ends with her. She has an amazing arc and if you've liked Seyfried in anything else, ever, you're probably going to love her in this too. - Lanie

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