Orphan

This movie was everything I didn't know I wanted it to be.

I have been excited about this movie for months. I was convinced that the ribbon on her neck was alluding to a folk legend, where a woman wears a ribbon around her neck her whole life, then either a prankster unties it or she allows her husband to remove it at the end of her life and her head falls off. It's totally ridiculous and totally great. This movie is not about that at all. I couldn't really see how you could get a whole movie out of such a silly legend but movies have been made about more ridiculous things and I was determined to hold out hope.

I was disappointed about 20 minutes in when I saw that she also wore ribbons around her wrists. My theory was totally busted and I came up with a new one, which ended up being right and this is why you go see movies with friends; so you can whisper your theories in their ear and totally ruin the ending. Also, you can talk smack about what everyone's wearing. At least, this is what we do in movies, I don't know about the rest of you people.

Spoilers are lame so I'm trying to figure out what else to say about this movie without either totally recapping it because I was so juiced about it (I promise never to say that again) or giving away vital pieces. I think it's safe to say that she is just not. right. Given that one of the taglines for Orphan was "there's something's wrong with Esther" other than her wardrobe, obviously...I don't feel like I'm giving anything away.

I will say that I am really enjoying this whole horror movie-as-comedy thing that seems to be becoming more and more popular. I'd place this one in the "so fucked up it's funny" category, as opposed to the "so lame it's funny" or "parody comedy" categories. It's not Scary Movie: Creepy Kid Style (please, no one make that movie) but there are genuine comedic moments, alternating with ones that are so screwed up and those that keep you on the edge of your seat. It blended true gross-out moments where I honestly had to look away, with profanity (which I love!), with just a little dash of mind-fuck.

If you like to have a good time, go see Orphan. If you consider yourself a horror movie connoisseur and are tired of the conventional horror flicks, you should probably sit this one out. It's not going to change your world, but I had a damn good time anyway.

- Lanie

Ignore what Lanie said about sitting this one out if you're a horror movie connoisseur. I am, and I loved this. Sure, it wasn't strictly my type of horror flick (I'm more of a Kruger, blood-guts-and-gore girl myself, but hey), but it was good.

Full disclosure: I knew the plot twist when we went into it. A couple of weeks ago, I read the synopsis on, I think, Jezebel. So it was with a lot of trepidation that I went into the movie, thinking that it was going to be entirely ridiculous. Like Lanie, without knowing about Esther's wrist-ribbons, I had thought of a "folk tale" -- more like a scary story -- that I'd read in the past. (I actually looked this up, and it's from the The Scariest Stories You've Ever Heard series, and involves a family meeting a father wearing a necktie and a daughter wearing a ribbon... then later the mother who admits she accidentally ran them over with her car and severed both their heads...)

Now, I enjoy Dark Castle's flicks. My personal favorite is Ghost Ship, and no, I don't say that just because I like to make heart eyes at Karl Urban (although it doesn't hurt...). In fact, we'd watched Thirteen Ghosts the night before (it was my birthday, I got to pick the movie - Lanie was very confused, but I think it was because she wasn't really paying attention). So when I saw the Dark Castle logo come up, I was like, ooh, they do good stuff.

I also don't go into a horror movie expecting to be scared. I feel like, the worse the movie, the cheesier it is, the more I'm going to enjoy it. (I love the A Nightmare On Elm Street series, for Christ's sake!)

I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. Yes, it was batshit crazy. Yes, the twist was fucking ridiculous, but oh. my. God, they pulled it off with flying colors. We were in a full theatre, which in the past would have been a dismay, because I always associate full theatres with people who won't stop talking and little kids kicking the back of my chair, but this one involved people cheering, yelling, and clapping, and it was excellent.

If you enjoy a good, entirely implausible, ridiculous horror flick, I recommend it. It's not in the vein of so-bad-it's-good, but it's actually good. You should go see it.

- Julie